tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7338984211002718842024-02-20T22:11:35.550-05:00LOVE ADDICTS ANONYMOUS LAA - Toronto, Canada12 STEP PROGRAM MEETING
Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger18125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-733898421100271884.post-56007622120628866052013-04-17T02:15:00.003-04:002018-03-12T14:12:41.054-04:00 LAA TORONTO SUNDAYS 3:45 - 5p<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">at </span><a href="http://www.the519.org/contact" target="_blank">519 Church Street Community Center</a> </span></b><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">north of Wellesley Street, room #204</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: xx-small;">(upon arrival please confirm the room number on the screen in the lobby behind info desk)</span><br />
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<b><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">After almost 6 years of service,</span></b><b><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">this meeting has been temporarily discontinued,</span></b><b><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">till further notice.</span></b></h2>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Please, join us few minutes<b> before </b>3:45p.</span></span><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">If at all possible, and out of respect for other members,</span><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><b>please kindly arrive on time</b>.</span><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Thank you very much.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">CLOSED meeting</span><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Open only to love addicts or those who think they may be love addicts</span><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">No media, please</span><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Donation: $1-2 to pay the room rent</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: x-small;">To apply to attend the meeting or ask question,</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">please first read this website thoroughly and then</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: x-small;">send email about yourself and why would you like to attend.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: x-small;">If you qualify you are welcome to join us.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: x-small;">Then, if you wish to know when the next meeting is</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: x-small;">you can ask to sign up for our email list and</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: x-small;">you will be receiving email invitations to our meetings</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: x-small;">as long as you wish and continue to attend meetings.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: x-small;">Only questions that are not already answered on this website</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: x-small;">will be replied to.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: x-small;">If you choose to bring any food or beverages,</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: x-small;">please kindly keep them on a chair.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: x-small;">Thanks.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">The 1st and only LAA meeting in Canada:</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: xx-small;">We had 200 meetings and 210 attendees in first 5 years</span></div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-733898421100271884.post-25915403608282139832012-04-29T14:34:00.000-04:002017-04-01T12:59:57.899-04:00WELCOME <div style="text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: x-small;">If you think you are or may be a love addict, </span><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: x-small;">you are welcome</span><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: x-small;"> and invited.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: medium;">Congratulations on realizing that you need healing!</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: medium;">Congratulations on looking for help in that process!</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: medium;">Congratulations on finding LAA Toronto!</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: medium;">You have already made first 3 important steps!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 16.0pt;">At the meeting, during
sharing, we need to feel safe about expressing our experience, strength and
hope without fear of direct or indirect response or comment.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 16.0pt;">We avoid CROSSTALK and define
it as any interruption, positive or negative, including directly referring to
another person’s sharing.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 16.0pt;">These include verbal
interruptions, side conversations or laughter.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 16.0pt;">We keep the focus on
ourselves, using I-statements and avoiding “you” or “we” statements.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 16.0pt;">For example we don’t say:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 16.0pt;">I agree with John…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 16.0pt;">Or <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 16.0pt;">I feel the same as Mary...<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 16.0pt;">Or<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 16.0pt;">I think you should…</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">Etc.</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #674ea7; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white;">This is a spiritual program, not religious, and we avoid use of profanities.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">"Love addiction comes in many forms. Some love addicts obsess when they fall in love. Some love addicts get addicted to the euphoric effects of romance. Others cannot let go of a toxic relationship even if they are unhappy, depressed, lonely, neglected or in danger. Some love addicts are codependent and others are narcissistic. Some love addicts carry a torch for unavailable people. Some love addicts use sex to manage feelings; others are sexually anorexic. What we all have in common is that we are powerless over our distorted thoughts, feelings and behavior when it comes to love, fantasies and relationships. Still, there is hope. Through self-honesty, open-mindedness, willingness, and the 12-steps of LAA, we can recover. We can do together what we cannot do alone.We can grow and change in the sunlight of the spirit. Welcome to LAA. Welcome home!"</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">- adapted from </span><a href="http://loveaddicts.org/LAAHomeIndex.html" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;" target="_blank">LAA website</a><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"> by <span style="font-size: small;">SUSAN PEABODY, </span></span><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: small;">the founder of LAA</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">At the meetings, we study book "HOW TO BREAK YOUR ADDICTION TO A PERSON" by Howard M. Halpern, Ph.D.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: xx-small;">We share after reading each paragraph.</span></span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-733898421100271884.post-888950837185755872011-12-30T14:56:00.000-05:002013-04-17T12:57:53.845-04:00STATEMENT OF PURPOSE<span style="color: #8904b1; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">"Love Addicts Anonymous was started to provide a safe place where love addicts could come together and recover from love addiction. In LAA we will share our experience, strength and hope with each other. As a group, we will support each other unconditionally. We will also read literature, share ideas, process information and work the 12-steps of LAA as adapted from Alcoholics Anonymous. Please be assured that no particular ideology will be forced upon you. You can take what you need and leave the rest. If you are a love addict, or think you might be, join us on our journey toward putting love into perspective and establishing healthy relationships with ourselves and others. Let us do together what we cannot do alone."</span><br />
<span style="color: #8904b1; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">- adapted from <a href="http://loveaddicts.org/LAAHomeIndex.html" target="_blank">LAA website</a> by Susan Peabody</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-733898421100271884.post-62021167051832274592011-12-29T15:23:00.000-05:002013-04-17T13:08:10.063-04:00ARE YOU A LOVE ADDICT?<br />
<div align="center" id="yui_3_7_2_20_1358647937239_152" style="font-size: 16px;">
<span id="yui_3_7_2_20_1358647937239_114" style="background-color: white; color: #8904b1; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><b>12 CHARACTERISTICS OF LOVE ADDICTS</b> </span></div>
<ol style="font-size: 16px;">
<li><span id="yui_3_7_2_20_1358647937239_118" style="background-color: white; color: #8904b1; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: medium;">Having few healthy boundaries, we become emotionally attached to people without knowing them.</span></li>
<li><span style="background-color: white; color: #8904b1; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: medium;">Fearing abandonment and loneliness, we stay in and return to painful, destructive relationships, concealing our dependency needs from ourselves and others, growing more isolated and alienated from friends and loved ones, ourselves, and God.</span></li>
<li><span id="yui_3_7_2_20_1358647937239_124" style="background-color: white; color: #8904b1; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: medium;">Fearing emotional deprivation, we compulsively pursue and involve ourselves in one relationship after another, sometimes having more than one emotional liaison at a time.</span></li>
<li><span style="background-color: white; color: #8904b1; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: medium;">We confuse love with neediness, physical and sexual attraction, pity and/or the need to rescue or be rescued.</span></li>
<li id="yui_3_7_2_20_1358647937239_158"><span id="yui_3_7_2_20_1358647937239_128" style="background-color: white; color: #8904b1; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: medium;">We feel empty and incomplete when we are alone. Even though we fear intimacy and commitment, we continually search for relationships.</span></li>
<li><span id="yui_3_7_2_20_1358647937239_132" style="background-color: white; color: #8904b1; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: medium;">We use emotional dependence as substitutes for nurturing, care, and support.</span></li>
<li><span id="yui_3_7_2_20_1358647937239_136" style="background-color: white; color: #8904b1; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: medium;">We use emotional involvement to manipulate and control others.</span></li>
<li><span id="yui_3_7_2_20_1358647937239_140" style="background-color: white; color: #8904b1; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: medium;">We become immobilized or seriously distracted by romantic obsessions or fantasies.</span></li>
<li><span style="background-color: white; color: #8904b1; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: medium;">We avoid responsibility for ourselves by attaching ourselves to people who are emotionally unavailable.</span></li>
<li><span id="yui_3_7_2_20_1358647937239_144" style="background-color: white; color: #8904b1; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: medium;">We stay enslaved to emotional dependency or romantic intrigue.</span></li>
<li><span id="yui_3_7_2_20_1358647937239_148" style="background-color: white; color: #8904b1; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: medium;">To avoid feeling vulnerable, we may retreat from all intimate involvement, mistaking emotional anorexia for recovery.</span></li>
<li><span style="background-color: white; color: #8904b1; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: medium;">We assign magical qualities to others. We idealize and pursue them, then blame them for not fulfilling our fantasies and expectations.</span></li>
</ol>
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<span style="color: #8904b1; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: medium;">(Adapted from <a href="http://www.slaa-ontario.org/whatisa.htm" target="_blank">12 Characteristics of SLAA</a>)</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><b>40 QUESTIONS</b></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #8904b1; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">These are considered </span><b style="color: #8904b1; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">symptoms</b><span style="color: #8904b1; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> or "addictive, bottom-line behaviors".</span><br />
<span style="color: #8904b1; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #8904b1; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">If you can identify with more than a few of the following characteristics, you are probably a love addict. Remember that love addiction comes in many forms, so even if you don’t answer "yes" to all of the questions you may still be a love addict.</span><br />
<ol>
<li><span style="color: #8904b1; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">You are very needy when it comes to relationships.</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #8904b1; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">You fall in love very easily and too quickly.</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #8904b1; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">When you fall in love, you can’t stop fantasizing, even to do important things. You can’t help yourself.</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #8904b1; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Sometimes, when you are lonely and looking for companionship, you lower your standards and settle for less than you want or deserve.</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #8904b1; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">When you are in a relationship, you tend to smother your partner.</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #8904b1; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">More than once, you have gotten involved with someone who is unable to commit, hoping he or she will change.</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #8904b1; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Once you have bonded with someone, you can’t let go.</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #8904b1; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">When you are attracted to someone, you will ignore all the warning signs that this person is not good for you. </span></li>
<li><span style="color: #8904b1; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Initial attraction is more important to you than anything else when it comes to falling in love and choosing a partner. Falling in love over time does not appeal to you and is not an option.</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #8904b1; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">When you are in love, you trust people who are not trustworthy. The rest of the time you have a hard time trusting people.</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #8904b1; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">When a relationship ends, you feel your life is over and more than once you have thought about suicide because of a failed relationship.</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #8904b1; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">You take on more than your share of responsibility for the survival of a relationship.</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #8904b1; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Love and relationships are the only things that interest you.</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #8904b1; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">In some of your relationships you were the only one in love.</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #8904b1; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">You are overwhelmed with loneliness when you are not in love or in a relationship.</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #8904b1; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">You cannot stand being alone. You do not enjoy your own company.</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #8904b1; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">More than once, you have gotten involved with the wrong person to avoid being lonely.</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #8904b1; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">You are terrified of never finding someone to love.</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #8904b1; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">You feel inadequate if you are not in a relationship.</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #8904b1; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">You cannot say "no" when you are in love or if your partner threatens to leave you.</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #8904b1; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">You try very hard to be who your partner wants you to be. You will do anything to please him or her, even abandon yourself (sacrifice what you want, need and value).</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #8904b1; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">When you are in love, you only see what you want to see. You distort reality to quell anxiety and feed your fantasies.</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #8904b1; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">You have a high tolerance for suffering in relationships. You are willing to suffer neglect, depression, loneliness, dishonesty, even abuse, to avoid the pain of separation anxiety (what you feel when you are not with someone you have bonded with).</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #8904b1; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">More than once, you have carried a torch for someone and it was agonizing.</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #8904b1; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">You love romance. You have had more than one romantic interest at a time even when it involved dishonesty.</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #8904b1; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">You have stayed with an abusive person.</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #8904b1; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Fantasies about someone you love, even if he or she is unavailable, are more important to you than meeting someone who is available.</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #8904b1; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">You are terrified of being abandoned. Even the slightest rejection feels like abandonment and it makes you feel horrible.</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #8904b1; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">You chase after people who have rejected you and try desperately to change their minds.</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #8904b1; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">When you are in love, you are overly possessive and jealous.</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #8904b1; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">More than once, you have neglected family or friends because of your relationship.</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #8904b1; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">You have no impulse control when you are in love.</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #8904b1; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">You feel an overwhelming need to check up on someone you are in love with.</span></li>
<li><span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">More than once, you have spied on someone you are in love with.</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #8904b1; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">You pursue someone you are in love with even if he or she is with another person.</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #8904b1; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">If you are part of a love triangle (three people), you believe all is fair in love and war. You do not walk away.</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #8904b1; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Love is the most important thing in the world to you.</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #8904b1; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Even if you are not in a relationship, you still fantasize about love all the time, either someone you once loved or the perfect person who is going to come into your life someday.</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #8904b1; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">As far back as you can remember, you have been preoccupied with love and romantic fantasies. </span></li>
<li><span style="color: #8904b1; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">You feel powerless when you fall in love, as if you are in some kind of trance or under a spell. You lose your ability to make wise choices.</span></li>
</ol>
<div>
<span style="color: #8904b1; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">- adapted from <a href="http://loveaddicts.org/40questions.html" target="_blank">LAA website</a> by Susan Peabody</span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-733898421100271884.post-33989132332036053372011-12-28T15:33:00.000-05:002013-03-27T21:38:12.851-04:00PREAMBLE<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">"Love Addicts Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women whose common purpose is to recover from our unhealthy dependency on love as it plays out in our fantasies and relationships. There are no dues or fees; we are self-supporting through our own contributions. Our primary purpose is to recover from love addiction and to offer hope to those who still suffer."</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">- adapted from <a href="http://loveaddicts.org/preamble.html" target="_blank">LAA website</a> by Susan Peabody</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-733898421100271884.post-8694894241438193772011-12-27T09:43:00.000-05:002017-02-19T14:06:03.960-05:00RECOVERY FOR LOVE ADDICTS<span style="color: purple; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">12 Step Program is a recovery recipe that always works 100% when applied 100%.</span><br />
<span style="color: purple;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
</span><br />
<b><span style="color: purple; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">"It works when you work it."</span></b><br />
<span style="color: purple; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><b><br /></b>To recover, love addicts must change how they think and behave.</span><br />
<span style="color: purple;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">These are the 12 essential </span><b style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">RECOVERY TOOLS</b><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">:</span></span><br />
<span style="color: purple; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /><b>1. ADMIT</b> honestly that you are a love addict. (Step 1)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><b><span style="color: purple; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">2. SOBRIETY</span></b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: purple; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><b>3. MEETINGS</b></span></span><br />
<b><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: purple; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">4. SPONSORSHIP</span></span></b><br />
<b><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: purple; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">5. STEPS</span></span></b><br />
<b><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: purple; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">6. SPIRITUALITY </span></span></span></b><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: purple; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><b>7. SERVICE</b></span></span></span><br />
<b style="color: purple;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">8. MEDITATION </span></b><br />
<span style="color: purple; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><b>9. GRATITUDE</b></span></span><br />
<span style="color: purple; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><b>10. SELF-LOVE</b></span></span><br />
<span style="color: purple; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><b>11. COMFORTING INNER CHILD</b></span></span><br />
<span style="color: purple; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><b>12. LITERATURE & VIDEOS</b></span></span><br />
<span style="color: purple; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><b><br /></b></span></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="color: purple; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: purple; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></span>
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 14.0pt;">1. Honestly ADMIT that you are a love addict.
(Step 1)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 14.0pt;">2. SOBRIETY - Define your own personal
bottom-line addictive behaviour(s) and become willing to stop acting out on a daily
basis.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 14.0pt;">Bottom line
behaviors are all behaviors that endanger our sobriety,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 14.0pt;">such as staying
in an unhealthy relationship or continuing contact with former partner from an
unhealthy relationship.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 14.0pt;">In the case of
addiction to a person, "no contact" is necessary.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 14.0pt;">Most common
bottom line behaviour for love addicts is "no contact with former
partner" or toxic relationship.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 14.0pt;">Addictive lover
for a love addict is the same as alcohol for alcoholic, permanently excluded.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 14.0pt;">In Alcoholics
Anonymous recommendation is to stop drinking, discard all alcohol from
environment, stop buying alcohol, stop going to places where alcohol is
available, etc.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 14.0pt;">In LAA it is
recommended to start with "90 days abstinence = no contact" with all
persons of romantically preferred gender.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 14.0pt;">For example,
for heterosexuals that means no contact with people of opposite gender;<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 14.0pt;">for
homosexuals, no contact with those of the same gender, etc.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 14.0pt;">Exceptions are
relatives or inevitable coworkers/clients.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 14.0pt;">No going to any
kind of social events where they may be, like:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 14.0pt;">parties,
dancing, bars, clubs, etc., <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 14.0pt;">No dating, no
online dating, no blind dates, etc.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 14.0pt;">Also, included
are former addictive partners or toxic, unhealthy relationships.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 14.0pt;">Some LAs choose
to inform former addictive lovers that they will not be available any more for
any kind of communication and ask them to discontinue contacting them in any
way.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 14.0pt;">"No
contact" means no contact in person, by phone, text, email, social media,
etc., including viewing past communication or social media sites, viewing
photos, etc., avoiding places where former addictive lover may be, etc.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 14.0pt;">Further more,
blocking former addictive lover from communicating with us by phone, text,
email, social media, etc.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 14.0pt;">Deleting all of
their messages and communications, photos, etc.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 14.0pt;">Abstinence may
seem like loss of freedom or restriction of freedom.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 14.0pt;">Actually, as
addicts, we are enslaved to our addiction.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 14.0pt;">Since
abstinence frees us from addiction,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 14.0pt;">abstinence
actually leads us to freedom.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 14.0pt;">After 90 days
abstinence, most LAs choose to have no-contact with former addictive lovers as
their bottom line behaviour.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 14.0pt;">Addictive lover
for a love addict is the same as alcohol for alcoholic: bottom line behaviour,
permanently excluded.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 14.0pt;">When we are
healthy enough, we are ready for healthy relationship and we are attracted to
healthy people.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 14.0pt;">The purpose of
abstinence is to remove all the "painkillers" or the unhealthy coping mechanisms which we have
invented to reduce our childhood pain of feeling unloved, hurt, not good
enough, etc. and "facing our demons".<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 14.0pt;">That will
facilitate us feeling our suppressed pains fully and releasing the pains once
they are fully felt.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 14.0pt;">Also,
abstinence facilitates learning self love, while the unhealthy coping
mechanisms are absent.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 14.0pt;">3. MEETINGS - Attending all LAA meetings, plus
as many other meetings as possible. Ideally 90 meetings in 90 days. Beside LAA
meetings also: ACA, CODA, SLAA, EA, open AA meetings, AlAnon, Neurotics
Anonymous, etc.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 14.0pt;">4. SPONSORSHIP -
Get a sponsor or pair up with another recovering love addict. Preferably
same gender for heterosexual people and opposite gender for homosexual people.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 14.0pt;">5. STEPS - Practice the Twelve Step program of
recovery to achieve emotional sobriety.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 14.0pt;">6. SPIRITUALITY - develop a relationship with a
power greater then ourselves, however we wish to define that power (our own
higher self, our own intuition, our group, our God, etc.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 14.0pt;">7. SERVICE - Our giving back to the L.A.A.
community what we continue to freely receive, helping with meetings, supporting
other LAs, etc.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 14.0pt;">8. MEDITATION
daily about 20 minutes<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 14.0pt;">9. GRATITUDE -
express gratitude for all you have today that you still wish to have tomorrow<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 14.0pt;">10. SELF - LOVE
- develop self love, for example using mirror work and our own childhood photos
of ourselves<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 14.0pt;">11. COMFORTING
INNER CHILD<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 14.0pt;">12. LITERATURE
& VIDEOS on you tube etc.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 14.0pt;">As a sponsor, I
personally work with people who:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 14.0pt;">1. are very
dedicated to their healing and recovery and willing to invest equal amount of
time and effort into their healing and recovery as they used to invest into
their addiction, which is often search for parental love and trying to have our
unmet childhood needs finally met.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 14.0pt;">2. abstain from
their bottom line behaviour<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 14.0pt;">(most commonly
that means no contact with all former partners and toxic relationships)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 14.0pt;">3. attend all
our LAA Toronto MEETINGS<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 14.0pt;">4. SPONSORSHIP - have excellent communication
skills,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 14.0pt;">meaning they
reply to all communications and questions from their sponsor<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 14.0pt;">5. follow all
recommendations, both 12 Step Program recommendations in general and sponsor's
personal recommendations (which are developing and nurturing daily:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 14.0pt;">1. gratitude,
2. self love and 3. ability to comfort our inner child, etc.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 14.0pt;">6. daily read
LITERATURE recommended below<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 14.0pt;">7. SERVICE -
helping at meetings<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 14.0pt;">8. MEDITATE
daily<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 14.0pt;">9. express
GRATITUDE for everything you have today, that you still wish to have tomorrow<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 14.0pt;">10. Spend few
minutes per day doing following MIRROR WORK:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 14.0pt;">uninterrupted
loving focused looking into our own eyes,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 14.0pt;">without gazing
away, without analyzing facial features,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 14.0pt;">while
expressing unconditional self-love and all you wish to have heard parents or partners
or anybody else say now or in the past.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 14.0pt;">Since eyes are
the windows of the soul, when we look into our eyes, we look into our soul.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 14.0pt;">When we talk
and look into eyes, we speak straight to the soul.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 14.0pt;">There are lots
of great videos about self love, etc. on YouTube.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 14.0pt;">11. COMFORTING
INNER CHILD<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 14.0pt;">Look into
childhood photo and show and tell your inner child all it needed to hear and
experience in childhood: love, comfort, compassion, etc.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 14.0pt;">When we feel
lonely, for example, it's often suppressed childhood memory, rather than
current feeling. Acknowledge that feeling, feel it fully without suppressing it
or avoiding it or looking for comfort outside instead.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 14.0pt;">SO EVERY DAY
SPONSEE WRITES AN EMAIL TO SPONSOR CONTAINING THESE 15 POINTS:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 14.0pt;">1. sobriety day
is written in email’s subject. Example: “Day 1”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 14.0pt;">2. expressing
how they are feeling<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 14.0pt;">3. describing
briefly what they are doing that day as expression of self love<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 14.0pt;">4. stating how
many minutes they did mirror work<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 14.0pt;">5. stating how
many minutes they meditated (20 minutes at least)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 14.0pt;">6. stating
which LAA recommended literature they are reading or listening on YouTube<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 14.0pt;">(GRATITUDE: at
least 3 things you are grateful for. Be specific or general, but genuine)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 14.0pt;">7. I am
grateful for my wonderful life!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 14.0pt;">8. I am
grateful for my excellent health!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 14.0pt;">9. I am
grateful for my constant growth!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 14.0pt;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 14.0pt;">(SELF LOVE
USING MIRROR WORK<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 14.0pt;">Sponsee looks
in the mirror and address themselves by first name or loving nickname:)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 14.0pt;">10. I love you,
(your name)! I really, really love you and I accept you just the way you are!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 14.0pt;">11. I love your
… (any physical attribute you genuinely love about yourself)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 14.0pt;">12. I love your
… (any non-physical attribute you genuinely love about yourself)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 14.0pt;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 14.0pt;">(COMFORTING
INNER CHILD<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 14.0pt;">Ideally,
looking at childhood photo (or imagining ourselves as a child) with comforting
words, hugs or caresses, such as:)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 14.0pt;">13. Dear sweet
little (your name), you are in lots of pain…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 14.0pt;">14. I
understand how much it hurts when…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 14.0pt;">15. It was
scary when… etc., etc.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 14.0pt;">Saying it out
loud and writing it out is very therapeutic.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 14.0pt;">Please, do not
copy-and-paste as that is not therapeutic, but just waste of time.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 14.0pt;">Also, these are
to be done whenever we feel lonely or unloved or we miss or wish to contact
object of our addiction, etc.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 14.0pt;">11. RECOMMENDED
LITERATURE and also videos available on YouTube:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 14.0pt;">Susan Peabody:
"Addiction to Love"<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 14.0pt;">Howard Halpern:
"How to Break Your Addiction to a Person"<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 14.0pt;">Pia Mellody:
all books<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 14.0pt;">Melodie
Beattie: all books<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 14.0pt;">John Bradshaw:
all books<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 14.0pt;">Louise Hay: all
books<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 14.0pt;">John Gray: all
books<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 14.0pt;">Teal Swan: all
books<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 14.0pt;">Gary D.
Chapman: "The Five Love Languages" <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 14.0pt;">Arthur Janov:
"Primal Scream", all books<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 14.0pt;">Joan Liedloff:
Continuum Concept<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 14.0pt;">Even though
some literature is gender specific,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 14.0pt;">they are often
applicable to any gender.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 14.0pt;">Sherry Argov:
"Why Men Love Bitches", "Why Men Marry Bitches"<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 14.0pt;">Greg Behrendt
& Liz Tuccillo: "He's Just Not That Into You"<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 14.0pt;">Ellen Fein</span><span style="color: #7030a0; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"></span><span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia;"> & </span><span style="color: #7030a0; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 14.0pt;"></span><span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia;">Sherrie
Schneider: "The Rules" (all books)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: #7030a0; font-size: 14.0pt;">Robin Norwood: “Women
Who Love Too Much"<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-733898421100271884.post-3926637437682431242011-12-26T09:59:00.000-05:002013-03-27T21:52:59.698-04:00TYPICAL KINDS OF LOVE ADDICTS<b style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">OBSESSED</b><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> love addicts</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">cannot let go of someone they love even if their partner is:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">unavailable emotionally or sexually</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">afraid to commit</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">unable to communicate</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">unloving</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">distant</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">abusive</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">controlling and dictatorial</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">ego-centric</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">selfish</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">addicted to something outside the relationship (work, hobbies, drugs, alcohol, sex, someone else, gambling, shopping etc.)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>CODEPENDENT</b> love addicts</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">From a place of insecurity and low self-esteem, they try desperately to hold on to the people they are addicted to using codependent behavior. This includes enabling, rescuing, care-taking passive-aggressive controlling, and accepting neglect or abuse.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>RELATIONSHIP</b> addicts</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">unlike other love addicts, they are no longer in love with their partners but still cannot let go. Usually, they are so unhappy that the relationship affects their health, spirit and emotional well being. Even if their partner batters them, and they are in danger, they cannot let go. They are afraid of being alone. They are afraid of change. They do not want to hurt or abandon their partners. This can be summed up as “I hate you, don’t leave me.”</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>NARCISSISTIC</b> love addicts</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">use dominance, seduction and withholding to control their partners. They appear aloof and unconcerned until you leave them. Then they panic and use anything at their disposal to hold on to the relationship, including violence.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>AMBIVALENT</b> love addicts</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">suffer from avoidant personality disorder. They don't have hard time letting go; they have a hard time moving forward. They desperately crave love, but at the same time they are terrified of intimacy. This combination is agonizing. They also come in different forms, listed below.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>Torch bearers</b> are ambivalent love addicts who obsess about someone who is unavailable. This can be done without acting out (suffering in silence) or by pursuing the person they are in love with. Some Torch Bearers are more addicted than others. This kind of addiction feeds on fantasies and illusions. It is also known as unrequited love.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>Saboteurs</b> are ambivalent love addicts who destroy relationships when they start to get serious or at whatever point their fear of intimacy comes up. This can be anytime, before the first date, after the first date, after sex, after the subject of commitment comes up, whenever.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>Seductive withholders</b> are ambivalent love addicts who always come on to you when they want sex or companionship. When they become frightened, or feel unsafe, they begin withholding companionship, sex, affection, anything that makes them feel anxious. If they leave the relationship when they become frightened, they are just Saboteurs. If they keep repeating the pattern of being available/unavailable, they are seductive withholders.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>Romance</b> addicts are ambivalent love addicts who are sometimes addicted to multiple partners. Romance addicts are often confused with sex addicts. However, unlike sex addicts, who are trying to avoid bonding altogether, romance addicts bond with each of their partners, to one degree or another, even if the romantic liaisons are short-lived or happening simultaneously. By “romance” we mean sexual passion and pseudo-emotional intimacy. Please note that while romance addicts bond with each of their partners to a degree, their goal (besides getting high off of romance and drama) is to avoid commitment or bonding on a deeper level with one partner.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Not all love avoidants are love addicts. If you accept your fear of intimacy and social situations, and do not get hooked on unavailable people, or just keep your social circle small and unthreatening you are not necessarily an ambivalent love addict. But if you eat your heart out over some unavailable person year after year, or sabotage one relationship after another, or have serial romantic affairs, or only feel close when you are with another avoidant, you may be an Ambivalent Love Addict.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">- adapted from <a href="http://loveaddicts.org/kindsofloveaddictsshortversion.html" target="_blank">LAA website</a> by Susan Peabody</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-733898421100271884.post-59302184635150859472011-12-25T10:09:00.000-05:002013-03-27T22:06:11.611-04:0012 STEPS<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">1. We admitted we were powerless over love, romance, fantasies and relationships- that our lives had become unmanageable.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">7. Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood God, praying only for knowledge of God’s will for us and the power to carry that out.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, we tried to carry this message to others, and to practice these principles in all areas of our lives.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">- adapted from <a href="http://loveaddicts.org/12-Steps.html" target="_blank">LAA website</a> by Susan Peabody</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-733898421100271884.post-7920007314848966172011-12-24T10:14:00.000-05:002013-03-27T21:54:03.019-04:0012 PROMISES<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">1. I have a new sense of freedom because I am letting go of the past.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">2. I am hopeful about my future relationships.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">3. I can be attracted to someone without falling in love overnight, and I can fall in love without obsessing.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">4. If love does overwhelm me I do not act out in addictive ways.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">5. I can tell the difference between fantasies and reality.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">6. I do not have to control the ones I love nor let them control me.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">7. I experience relationships one at a time and I do not get involved with “unavailable” people.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">8. If my basic needs are not being met, I can end my relationship.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">9. I can leave anyone who is abusing me either verbally or physically.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">10. I do not do for others what they should be doing for themselves.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">11. I love myself as much as I love others.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">12. I look to my Higher Power for strength, guidance, and the willingness to change.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">- adapted from <a href="http://loveaddicts.org/12-Promises.html" target="_blank">LAA website</a> by Susan Peabody</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-733898421100271884.post-32130772009759387982011-12-23T10:18:00.000-05:002013-03-27T22:11:08.605-04:00SELF ESTEEM<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Self-love is the key to recovery. Love addicts are alienated from the most important kind of love, the love we offer ourselves. Do not worry about becoming self-centered. This won't happen. You will just find serenity and an inner contentment beyond description. This will make it easier to wait for the right partner to come along and to weed out people who are not good for you.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">It is hard to know whether we are born with self-esteem, and then sometimes lose it, or whether we are born without it and never get a chance to develop it. Either way, the lack of self-esteem (what we call low self-esteem) is a painful disorder. It can be seen as both a mental and spiritual wound.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Even if children are born with a natural reservoir of self-esteem, they need to be validated by the people around them if they are to build on that sense of self-worth. Love, affection and attention are the most important forms of validation. Unfortunately, sometimes things do not go the way they should and children do not receive the nurturing they need to thrive. Instead they are neglected, abandoned, and sometimes abused. This causes children to unconsciously assume that something is wrong with them. They don't want to believe that the grownups around them are bad (this would be too frightening), so they conclude that they themselves are bad or flawed. If they are flawed, then they assume that they are worthless.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Neglect can range from mild to severe. Abuse can be verbal, physical or sexual. Shaming a child is the worst kind of verbal abuse. It robs children of a positive self-image. Neglect and abuse can occur inside the home or outside, such as in school. Many children are neglected or abused at school.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">It isn't always easy to measure the relationship between the degree of neglect or abuse, and one's level of self-esteem. Usually, the more you were neglected or abused the less self-esteem you have. However, this is not the only factor that should be considered when trying to measure the impact of neglect and abuse on self-esteem. One should also consider the level of sensitivity each child is born with and any insulation they might have had while growing up.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Sometimes neglect and abandonment do not stem from the absence of love, it is unintentional. For instance, the death of a parent is unintentional, but it is perceived by a child as abandonment. Many children feel abandoned just because their parents have to go to work. Even if neglect is unintentional, the impact is the same. Children feel something is wrong with them, and they develop low self-esteem. When I was five years old, my mother got very ill and I was sent to my grandmother's house. I was not intentionally abandoned, but I felt abandoned and neglected. When I came home, I was not the same child, and the perceived abandonment contributed to my low self-esteem.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Trauma, even the kind that is unrelated to neglect or abuse, can also rob children of self-esteem. This is because children typically think that they are bad when something bad happens to them. (Unintentional trauma can be an accident, a prolonged illness, a frightening experience, etc.) This is a cultural belief as well. People throughout the ages have associated a carefree life with worthiness. They think they are bad if hardship comes into their lives and good if there is abundance. In the Bible, Job asks God why he is suffering such hardship since he was such a good servant.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Parents are also like mirrors, and should reflect an image of loveliness to their children. When parents are shame-based, or have low self-esteem, they reflect a negative image to their children who then conclude (unconsciously) that they are flawed as well. This is how parents pass on shame and low self-esteem even when they are trying to be good parents.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Once a child has low self-esteem, it begins to feed on itself. Due to their poor self-image, children are incapable of compensating for neglect and abuse by loving themselves. They are also unable to accept the small doses of love their parents do provide, or the love of other people they may meet as they are growing up.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">This triggers more shame and low self-esteem, which in turn produces other painful emotions and conditions such as:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">chronic insecurity</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">chronic anxiety</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">depression</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">feelings of alienation</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">loneliness</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">a profound hunger for love</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">an exaggerated fear of abandonment and rejection</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">feelings of deprivation</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">feelings of emptiness</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">confusion or fear when love is available</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">anxiety when things are going well</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">some kind of addiction</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">There are numerous ways that these painful feelings might impact a person's life. Some people will become painfully shy, while others will have illusions of grandeur to compensate for a poor self-image. Some people will lack ambition, while others will be over-achievers. Many people will become people pleasers, while others go to the other extreme and become anti-social. One of the most serious consequences of low self-esteem is the self-loathing that results in self-mutilation.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Most people with low self-esteem suffer emotional pain. Fortunately, this pain can become a bridge to psychological healing. At some point pain becomes an identified problem. Then the person is motivated to get help.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">BUILDING UP SELF-ESTEEM</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Some people have to work harder than others to reclaim their self-esteem, and even harder to keep it. It would be nice if once we all felt good about ourselves we could maintain that feeling, but usually it doesn't work out that way. Self-esteem can be elusive. One minute it's there, and the next minute it seems to have vanished. I would also like to point out that while many of the following suggestions will help you build up your self esteem by validating yourself, other recommendations will encourage you to utilize the validation of others to enhance your self-esteem. This may seem contradictory. Many people feel that we can love ourselves unconditionally from within and have no need for the love of others. However, I feel that we do need some outer validation. We are only human, and no matter how strongly we believe in ourselves we need a little support. Our validation of ourselves should come first and it is more important that what others think of us.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"> 1. Adopt an attitude of self-acceptance or self-love. This means really understanding that you are a worthy person despite your shortcomings. This is a mindset.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"> 2. Once you have a general acceptance of your worth as a human being, spend some time focusing on your specific attributes. This enhances your self-worth. Just don't get carried away.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"> 3. As part of your new positive thinking campaign, learn how to superimpose new information over your old negative tapes. (Negative tapes are all the hurtful and inappropriate things people said to you and about you while you were growing up.) This is the best way to diminish inappropriate self-criticism which erodes self-esteem.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"> 4. Reclaim your self-respect - the pride or satisfaction that comes from:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Self-discipline</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Being responsible</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Honoring your own value system</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Handling adversity well.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Self-respect, which is a kind of conditional love, does not necessarily contradict the notion that you should love yourself unconditionally. Both concepts are important to maintain self-esteem.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"> 5. Surround yourself, whenever possible, with people who affirm you (people who like you just the way you are). Like it or not, your relationship with others can erode your self-esteem. So make a point of choosing your friends carefully. You did not have a choice about this as a child, but as an adult you are free to pick and choose most of your companions.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"> 6. Consider reading books about building up your self-esteem and healing your inner child. This promotes awareness which is an important step is overcoming low self-esteem.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"> 7. Get to know yourself - who you are, your values, needs, wants, taste, etc. How can you value what you do not know?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"> 8. Stop trying to be perfect. No one is perfect. We all live in the shadow of perfection and are perfectly imperfect.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"> 9. Do nice things for yourself. Take care of yourself. This self-care validates your self-worth.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">10. At the same time, do nice things for other people. There should be some balance in your life between taking care of yourself and being kind to others.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">11. Stop comparing yourself to others. You are special in your own way and this is the attitude you must have about yourself.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">12. Learn how to receive, especially if you are a people pleaser or have always had a monopoly on giving. Stop dismissing compliments and returning gifts. Let the love come in.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">13. Be creative. Everyone has a talent and they should use it. This stimulates self-satisfaction and reinforces the positive things you have been thinking about yourself.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">14. Stand up for yourself, especially if you don't usually do this. Remember that you value what you take care of.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Standing up for yourself means:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Setting limits (saying no)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Expressing your opinion</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Walking away from neglect or abuse</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Being assertive when appropriate</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">No longer apologizing when you haven't done anything wrong.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">15. Make amends if you have hurt someone. (If you are codependent make sure you are the guilty party. Codependents are known to apologize just to keep the peace or out of misplaced guilt.)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">16. To protect your newfound self-esteem, prepare yourself mentally for those times when people try to drag you down (people you can't avoid like co-workers). Learn how to keep from taking them so seriously, as well as how to filter out inappropriate criticism.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">17. Some people just can't wake up one day, after years of devaluing themselves, and suddenly know that they are worthy people. If this is true for you, you may need something to take the place of the mirroring of love that you did not get from your parents when you were growing up. You may need a dramatic shift in consciousness before you can practice self-acceptance. This shift in consciousness might occur if you awaken to the love of a “Higher Power.” In other words, when you know that you are loved unconditionally by a benevolent force in the universe it is sometimes easier to take a second look at yourself and conclude that you are a valuable and worthy person.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">If you work very hard on this task of building up your self-esteem, you will have taken a great step forward. Your life will change and you will be genuinely happy - perhaps for the first time in your life. And it gets better. There is no end to the happiness you will know when you love yourself."</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">This article was donated by Susan P. Co-Founder of LAA.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">- adapted from <a href="http://loveaddicts.org/selfesteem.htm" target="_blank">LAA website</a> by Susan Peabody</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-733898421100271884.post-8702251192008019052011-12-22T10:23:00.000-05:002013-03-27T21:23:16.567-04:00SPIRITUALITY<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Change is difficult. It means doing things that are unfamiliar and frightening. It means facing the unknown. To help with this dilemma, we suggest that people consider getting in touch with their spiritual nature, that vital principle or animating force traditionally believed to be within living beings. We recommend this because somehow tapping into this rich inner resource transforms us, or alters our attitudes and feelings to the extent that we can change what we have never been able to change before. This transformation is a vital part of change.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">How spirituality works is a mystery. It is something that is often observed but not necessarily understood. We have observed people overcome their fear of change with the aid of spirituality. They start out at the mercy of their old habits. They are powerless over their inner compulsions and have no strength to fight back. They habitually re-enact behavior that is self-destructive and life-threatening. Then, in a moment of agony, they call out "God, help me," and somewhere deep in their soul they surrender. They admit they are powerless and they ask for help.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">However, not everyone calls upon God, but they may find some inner resource, perhaps their ‘true self’ of which they were not aware. Then, sometimes quickly and sometimes slowly, they are filled with the power of the spirit and report feelings such as in these examples<span style="font-size: xx-small;">:</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">· They feel willing, when before they felt hesitant;</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">· They feel courageous, when before they felt terrified;</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">· They feel guided, when before they felt lost;</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">· They feel loved, when before they felt abandoned;</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">· They feel wise, when before they felt confused;</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">· They feel hopeful, when before they felt despair;</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">· They feel as if they are at the start of a glorious new journey.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">There is more than one way to have a spiritual awakening. For some people it will happen suddenly during one dramatic moment, a moment from which there is no turning back. For others it happens slowly. Over time, they just find themselves with a new attitude about a Higher Power and spirituality. Their closed mind becomes open and curious. They pray and they feel connected to their Higher Power. Or they act "as if" a Higher Power exists, and in time they come to believe. Some people practice meditation to find a Higher Power.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Belief in a Higher Power that is conceived as a supernatural being, is not necessary for all persons to recover. for some, the Higher Power is the community of addicts; others simply develop a deep sense of their inner resources. Some may read spiritual literature or talk to people about spirituality. Whatever they do, they must do it repetitively, and they must not give up. If they are really seeking spirituality with an open mind they will find it. It may be connected with religious beliefs for some, or for others, a much richer sense of who they really are and how deeply they are connected to other human beings. If they really ask for spirituality, in whatever form it may take, with a humble heart, it will be given to them.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">- adapted from <a href="http://loveaddicts.org/spirituality.htm" target="_blank">LAA website</a> by Susan Peabody</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-733898421100271884.post-81230999290516334662011-12-21T10:28:00.000-05:002013-03-27T22:12:42.711-04:00RECOVERY CHECKLIST<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">You should be able to answer "yes" to most of these questions:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"> 1. I know I am lovable despite my shortcomings.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"> 2. I have self-discipline.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"> 3. I am honest.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"> 4. I am true to my values.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"> 5. I am responsible.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"> 6. I know myself - what my values are and what I want.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"> 7. I can talk about my feelings.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"> 8. I do not feel needy.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"> 9. I am not afraid of being single.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">10. When I am alone I do not feel lonely.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">11. I have an active, full life.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">12. When I am in an intimate relationship I still have other interests.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">13. I do nice things for myself as well as others.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">14. I can receive as well as give.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">15. I do creative things.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">16. I do not compare myself to others.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">17. I can stand up for myself.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">18. I can say "no" when it is appropriate.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">19. I am growing and making progress in my life.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">20. I am contributing to the world.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">21. I have surrounded myself with healthy people.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">22. I feel connected to myself and the world.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">23. I feel loved by many people.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">24. I feel like a whole person.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">25. I do not like rejection, but I can handle it.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">26. I do not over-react to criticism by attacking or getting defensive.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">27. I have processed most of my feelings about my dysfunctional childhood.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">28. I am not angry all of the time about my past.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">29. I do not feel guilty all the time about the mistakes I have made.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">30. I can handle adversity without falling apart.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">31. I can end an unhealthy relationship.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">32. I can stick with a healthy relationship.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">33. I do not feel suicidal when relationships end.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">34. I have some stress-management techniques.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">35. I feel good about myself.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">36. I have balance in my life. I know how to find the middle ground.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">37. I know what I want, but I am not addicted to getting it.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">38. I have structure, but I am also flexible.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">39. I have trustworthy people in my life.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">40. I do not have to control everything and everybody in my life.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">41. I have worked through my sexual hangups. I know what healthy sex is.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">42. I can argue with someone without attacking them or give them the silent treatment.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">From Addiction to Love by Susan Peabody</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">- adapted from <a href="http://loveaddicts.org/Recoverychecklist.htm" target="_blank">LAA website</a> by Susan Peabody</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-733898421100271884.post-71846135862868589952011-12-20T10:32:00.000-05:002013-03-27T21:25:41.500-04:00LOVE ADDICTION VS. SEX ADDICTION<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Are sex addiction and love addiction the same thing? No.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>SEX</b> addicts are addicted mainly to the sexual experience. Often, the goal is orgasm. Sometimes, emotional intimacy is not important. Many professionals believe that the preoccupation with sex is an attempt to avoid emotional intimacy by connecting with someone sexually.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>LOVE</b> addiction, like sex addiction, comes in many forms. Some love addicts obsess when they fall in love.Some love addicts get addicted to the euphoric effects of romance. Others cannot let go of a toxic relationship even if they are unhappy, depressed, lonely, neglected or in danger. Some love addicts are codependent and others are narcissistic. Some love addicts carry a torch for unavailable people. Some love addicts use sex to manage feelings; others are sexually anorexic. Love addicts crave an emotional connection and will avoid at any cost separation anxiety and loneliness.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Can you be both a sex addict and love addict? Yes. Lots of sex addicts are also love addicts and vice versa.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Therefore, all sex addicts and all sex and love addicts are <b>very welcome</b> at these meetings.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">- adapted from <a href="http://loveaddicts.org/sexaddiction.htm" target="_blank">LAA website</a> by Susan Peabody</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-733898421100271884.post-56460865103962569492011-12-19T10:35:00.000-05:002013-03-27T21:26:16.477-04:00SERVICE<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">A well-known spiritual axiom says "to keep it, we must give it away." And we don't need to have very much in order to pass it on. In LAA, as in most 12-Step programs, service and carrying the message is the spiritual foundation of our program. Even newcomers have something to offer others. Still, since many love addicts are also codependent, we cannot ignore the fact that in early recovery there may be a fear of service. Will it be draining? Didn't I do too much in my last relationship? Shouldn't I just be taking care of myself right now? These are all valid questions. Moreover, LAA cannot survive without service and if you do it in moderation it not only feels good, it is good for your self-esteem. Most psychologists agree that altruism is linked to feelings of self-worth. Just remember . . . "moderation in all things." So if you are a member of LAA, we encourage you to share your "experience, strength and hope" with others even if you don't think you have anything to offer, and even if you think you have already done enough good deeds to last a life time. You will not regret it.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">"Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, we tried to carry this message to others . . ." Step 12</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">"Each group has but one primary purpose—to offer a safe place to recover from love addiction and to carry the message of recovery to those who still suffer." Tradition 5</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">"No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear . . ." Page 84, Alcoholics Anonymous"</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">- adapted from <a href="http://loveaddicts.org/Service.htm" target="_blank">LAA website</a> by Susan Peabody</span><br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-733898421100271884.post-3549359291406673452011-12-18T10:38:00.000-05:002013-03-27T21:26:54.413-04:00ANONYMITY<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Tradition 12</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">"Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our traditions, ever reminding us to place principles before personalities."</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Anonymity is a complicated issue. Technically speaking, Tradition 12 speaks of anonymity as a way to stay humble. Someone who has a successful career does not feel superior to the unemployed man because they are both love addicts. As they say in AA, it does not matter if you are from Park Place or a park bench. This is the "spiritual foundation" of LAA.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">However, the issue of anonymity can also be seen as protecting your identify. But this is a personal issue. It is not a requirement. For instance, in A.A. people who do service in the community (like going into the local jail) may have to use their full name to get clearance. So, if you want to remain anonymous you can. Use your first name and last initial. Get an email address that does not use your name.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Also, while one should not break their personal anonymity to the media (Tradition 11), LAA as an organization is not anonymous. To the contrary, we need to get the word out. When Alcoholics Anonymous was a year old it only had about 16 members. When Jack Alexander wrote an article about AA in The Saturday Evening Post (March 1, 1941) letters from hopeful alcoholics poured in. Today millions of alcoholics have had their lives restored. LAA can only dream to be so successful.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">- adapted from <a href="http://loveaddicts.org/anonymity.htm" target="_blank">LAA website</a> by Susan Peabody</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-733898421100271884.post-46154580994563259362011-12-17T10:43:00.000-05:002013-07-02T01:53:56.172-04:0012 STEPS TO A STRONGER SPIRITUAL LIFE - CELEBRATION OF DISCIPLINE<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"> 1. <b>Meditation -</b></span><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> Get quiet and listen to your Higher Power through your feelings and intuition.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"> 2. <b>Prayer -</b></span><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> Talk to your Higher Power (out loud or in your head) as if you were talking to a</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"> close, </span><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">personal friend.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"> 3. <b>Humility -</b></span><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> You accept
that there is a power higher then yourself and you are humbled by it.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"> 4. <b>Study -</b></span><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> Read, write, learn, listen.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"> 5. <b>Simplicity -</b></span><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> Slow down. Experience and appreciate the simple things in life: </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"> nature, </span><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">music, friends.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"> 6. <b>Solitude -</b></span><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> Take some time to be alone and listen to your own inner music.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"> 7. <b>Submission -</b></span><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> Surrender everything to your Higher Power, as you understand it.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"> 8. <b>Service -</b></span><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> Reach out to people in need and give of yourself and your resources.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"> 9. <b>Confession -</b></span><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> Find someone you can trust and confide your deepest, darkest secrets to them. </span><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Release the shame.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">10. <b>Worship -</b></span><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> Be in awe of your Higher Power. Bow your head - metaphorically or literally.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"> Be thankful for the grace that has been freely given to you.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">11. <b>Celebration -</b></span><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> Be grateful! Raise your hands in joy and celebration. Sing, dance and be merry.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">12. <b>Guidance -</b></span><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> Work with a mentor who is in constant contact with his Higher Power.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">- adapted from <a href="http://loveaddicts.org/Celebration.htm" target="_blank">LAA website</a> by Susan Peabody</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-733898421100271884.post-63551657616684368832011-12-16T10:55:00.000-05:002013-03-27T21:36:16.658-04:00SERENITY PRAYER<div style="text-align: center;">
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">God, grant me</span></div>
</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">the <b>Serenity</b> to accept the things I cannot change,</span></div>
</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">the <b>Courage</b> to change the things I can and </span></div>
</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">the <b>Wisdom</b> to know the difference.</span></div>
</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Thy will, not mine, be done.</span></div>
</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-733898421100271884.post-56460594306489980052010-07-25T00:00:00.000-04:002014-05-26T13:25:51.271-04:00RECOMMENDED LINKS<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
Movie "LOVE ADDICT" with Alex Katehakis, love addiction expert</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
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<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/jEstVPYOARA?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
Part 1</div>
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<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/Q3211lmI4ro?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe><br />
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Part 2</div>
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Please click here for <a href="http://www.12steps-recovery.org/10th%20Step%20Guidelines.htm" target="_blank">STEP 10 GUIDELINES</a></div>
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